One of the things I struggle with the most while working on this current degree is the time it takes away from my babies. It was a little easier to balance the time when it was just one kid. I would study during his naps or wait until he went to sleep for the night to work on papers. My first born may be rambunctious but he does love his naps and goes to bed fairly early so I can get things done.
Add another child? Well, what is time? W is still a puzzle I’m trying to figure out. Unlike his older brother, he likes to sleep in, naps currently can’t be done without him unless I’m wearing him, and he likes to stay up later at night than his brother. I’ve decided that temporarily, at least I’m hoping, I have to be a night owl. Oh how I love my sleep, it’s also especially imperative due to my PPD, but graduation is so close I can feel it at my fingertips. So for now, I will be a night owl.
It’s a little hard to see it now, with the massive bags under my eyes, how bloodshot my eyes look, and just how darn sleepy I feel. I really don’t want to take away too much time I can be spending with my babies. I guess I just needed to remind myself, that this will be worth it. I really want this and I decided to go back to school for another degree not only for myself but my family as well. I can’t see it completely right now, due to the lack of coffee quite possibly, but it will be worth it.
This whole school thing, it was definitely a lot easier with just one child. It did have not so great moments when it was only O. I would have nights where he would not fall asleep unless I was holding him. He would be asleep in my lap and I would be balancing my laptop on my knees trying to write a paper. Now O sleeps through the night. W on the other hand, well my breastfeeding journey with him also includes nights where I have to read chapters, write discussion posts, or work on papers. I do get to have some time to myself when he relents and falls back asleep. Right now, time for myself, well it’s barely there. Even while I’m typing this out, W is in the same wrap and I’m standing and rocking him while batting away O’s hands as he tries to touch the keys. That’s mom life for you I suppose. It’s just hard not to think I am a little crazy to keep up with everything. I’m still getting use to having two kids. I need to figure out how to balance the kids, work, school, wife duties, and a social life.
I don’t regret my decision about going back to school. As much as I am doing this for myself, I am doing this for my family. Of course I want to be working in a field I like and extra money is great now that we have another tiny human to care for. Overall, I want to show my children that you don’t have to settle. If you are unhappy, there is a solution. The solution may not always be simple but it is there. I want them to learn to not be afraid of taking risks in life. If they appreciate and feel proud of all this, that would just make it even worth so much more.