I feel like I’m in a strange point in my life. I’m trying to transition to a career that is completely new. I’m trying to figure out how to be a Mama to two children. Trying to be a good spouse is thrown in there. I’m also trying to find some inspiration to get back into art.
Before the babies, I would pour myself into books and finish through them quickly. I would be able to draw or paint when I felt like it. Going out for a quick bite to eat was not a process that consisted of wrangling children to get dressed and my hair half done. Food was enjoyed and not quickly inhaled to ensure a toddler wasn’t wandering around a restaurant or grabbing everything breakable. Sleep? Well there was definitely much more of that.
I feel that I have done my best to take on new roles in mamahood, as a wife, and as a working mama. I have been doing my best to intertwine all three but forgot about doing things for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love my role as a mama and as a wife.
Despite what I’m going through, I love being a Mama. My husband and I have our ups and downs but we’ve tackled so much so far in marriage. It’s definitely been a journey but there have been a lot of moments of happiness and laughter.
The working mama, well I’m still adjusting to that. I’m in that group of mamas that really want it all career wise but in the comfort of her home to be with her babies. Right now I’m doing my best to just enjoy my leave from work.
I think it’s wrong to consider mamahood as just revolving around kids. I’m beginning to see that it encompasses so much more. As mothers we of course put our family first and ourselves last. I always thought that being a Mama meant just that – family first. Being able to allow myself, yes allow myself, to have time for myself is something I’m struggling with.
I believe I’m slowly moving towards the woman I want to become. I know that woman that is strong and beautiful in her own way is in there, I see glimpses of it from time to time. A woman who is a mother that not only loves her children fiercely but encourages them to grow. A wife that continues to communicate, have fun with, and grow with her husband. A woman that learns to balance time for herself because she deserves it too. A woman that is successful and loves what she does, whether working for a company or building her own business.
So I will continue to squeeze in time for painting or drawing. I will give my boys as many kisses as I can and hug them if I can wrangle them in. I will keep scribbling down ideas to become my own boss. I’ll try to remember to not get too frazzled with everything going on but I won’t make any promises. Most importantly I will continue to keep moving forward to that woman I keep catching glimpses of and learn from this whole process.