Never Too Close for Comfort

Baby wearing

Disclaimer: The thoughts below are my own.  I was not paid or offered anything in return for writing a review.

Just like with my first, I knew that I wanted to baby wear.  I was not happy with the K’Taan that I used with my first and child number 1 definitely did not enjoy it either.  I spent months researching slings and wraps and had settled for a wrap that I found through Instagram.  As much as I am happy with the Sollybaby wrap I purchased, I wanted something that I could throw on a little quicker.  I also wanted to have a backup to throw in my bag.  The experiences of forgetting the one and only wrap I had with my first child have forever haunted me (store runs without a wrap never turned out well!).

Like the Sollybaby wrap, I stumbled upon My Wild Bird through Instagram.  The My Wild Bird slings are much more affordable than other wraps that I had found.  What essentially drew me in to purchase one was the About section.   Taylor’s explanation was straightforward, honest, and just relatable.  I always find that I am the happiest with products that are in the small shop business.  You just know that there is a lot of hard work, time, and soul put into the product.

For me, especially after going through Postpartum depression with my first, being able to read words that I can relate to is a big thing.  I guess also just knowing that you’re either not alone or crazy in your motherhood research of baby wearing or breastfeeding is completely valid helps! It’s a strange feeling to know that this little human was growing in your belly for months and now you can hold them in your arms.  Being able to wear him is giving me as much comfort as it does for him.  The ability to chase after Child number 1 with ease also helps too!

One and Two

WI have had almost two months to settle in as being a mother of two.  They say that each pregnancy is different and each child is different.  Those statements could not be truer.  Child number two has a completely different demeanor.  Unlike his older brother, he can sleep forever regardless of the noise and commotion going on around him.  There is a sense of calm that he holds and a curiosity that is already filling him during the moments he is awake.  I’m both anxious and excited to see how he will grow up.

Post-pregnancy has been different too.  With my first I struggled with depression – during and after.  It was and is something that I’m still struggling with now.  This time around, I had a great group of doctors and midwives that guided me throughout this last pregnancy.  The terrible thing is most people, just like about depression in general, do not discuss postpartum depression.  Many chalk it up to just hormones.  I know my parents generation would not understand it.

The months following the birth of my first were horrible for me and at that time I didn’t know why.  I’m forever thankful that my son’s pediatrician continued to ask me questions at every well-baby visit.  Without him I would not have met the doctors I have now.

It was also something I kept quiet, only a few people knew about it. I think my husband had a hard time with it and just generalized it as me struggling leaving my son. That was only one of the many factors.

I often would be awake at night worrying about small things, crying to myself not understanding why. I was irritable, losing weight rapidly, everything that would normally give me comfort no longer did, and I did not want to be social. It was tiring hiding it from my family. Since my depression also included other factors outside the pregnancy/post-pregnancy, I didn’t feel comfortable opening up to my family. My body was hurting from the anxiety and stress because I was trying to deal with it on my own.

Even today I’m still trying to figure it out. I have my moments. Luckily my husband is slowly understanding it and I have my doctors to reach out to whenever I start to slip.

Ultimately I want to not only be the best mother I can be for my children, but the best person. I want to be healthy to keep up with them and live a long life to see them grow. Finding that balance as a mother, wife, and my own person is something I’m still figuring out.

How’s that for the first post after an almost 3 month hiatus?

Am I ready for child # 2?

My husband and I had touched on the subject of how soon we wanted to have another child after our first was born.  It seems like, once you get married, one of the first questions asked is, “When are you planning on having kids?”  Almost immediately after the first, we got asked, “So, baby number 2 now?”

While we were pregnant with our first child we briefly discussed it.  I knew that I wanted to just enjoy THAT moment, the first child.   For our family, we knew that if we could help it, we wanted our children close to age.

Fast forward to now, I can’t help but feel like we’re cheating our son out.   It’s hard not to think: “Did we take him out enough?” or “Are we cheating him out of being an only child?” and “Should we have waited a little longer?”

After the whirlwind of thoughts and self-doubts, it just clicked.

This is a blessing.  Not everyone is able to get pregnant.  Why. Am. I. Complaining?

So does this answer, am I ready for baby number 2?  The answer is no.  However, I wasn’t ready for our first child.  Although he has had a number of bumps and bruises, I think we have done fairly well as parents.  Ultimately, I don’t think any parent can be fully prepared for their first child or subsequent children.  This is where the doubts come to play and start running around in your head like a never-ending song.

I do feel like we can take what we have learned from our first child thus far and use it when our second child arrives.  This second pregnancy is already completely different from the first.  It’s only safe to say our next child may just have a different personality than our first.  I’m nervous still but excited to see what baby number 2 will bring to our family dynamic.