For Keepsake

for keepsake

Call me old-fashioned but I love the idea of crafts and D.I.Y. projects.  I think it could be from growing up in a generation prior to Wi-Fi and Internet access on phones.  It seems like crafts are making a comeback in a big way.  I follow a lot of shops on Instagram that sew, handwrite, or just plain homemade.  If I had the energy and time, I would probably do the same for extra income.

I’ve been sewing for my boys.  With O I really wanted to make him a blanket, something that he could not only use as a baby but maybe even keep as he grows older.  I hand-sewed two blankets with the same pattern and materials for him.  He still uses both for naps and night time. Naturally I wanted to do the same for W.  Unlike with O’s blankets, I have lagged terribly.  I started this blanket the beginning of August when I started my maternity leave.  It is now November, W is about two and half months old and it’s sitting on top of my sewing machine.  You would think now that I have a sewing machine this time around I would have completed this project much faster.

Nope.

After realizing this, I then started to worry about how I am approaching child number 2.  Am I already cutting back on the amount of attention compared to my first?  Should I have bought more things that were his own and not hand-me-downs? Should I even be worrying about something like this?

I guess the most important thing is that I am giving him a keepsake. It may not be finished yet but it is well on it’s way.  I feel like I should stop worrying so much.  I can’t be great at this motherhood thing all the time.  Not saying that now I have a reason to slack off but that I need to relax.  I have to keep reminding myself to be in the present and enjoy RIGHT NOW.  Enjoy the hugs from O, smile as W starts to be more aware of his surroundings, and witness  the two of them start their brotherly bond.

Am I doing this right?


This is how most of my nights look like: trying my best to set down a drowsy baby so I can attempt to clean or better yet schoolwork.   My decision to go back to school to pursue another degree was about three months prior to finding out I was pregnant again.

Being pregnant and going to school was not part of the plan. I was just starting to figure out how to juggle work life, motherhood, wife duties, and school when I found out I was pregnant with W.  It’s hard to take make time for schoolwork. I want to be there for my kids. At the same time, I know finishing this degree means more opportunities. I guess I just hope I’m doing this right, being a mother I mean.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough. Other times I feel insistent over something due to having “that gut feeling.” So far “that gut feeling” hasn’t failed me.  Other mothers make it look so easy especially on Instagram. Now I know that in itself should not be an indicator of whether or not is a someone a good-anything and those photos are often staged.  It’s hard not to feel somewhat discouraged when you have Cheerios stuck on your pants, spit up on your shirt and a crying toddler to tend to.

All I know is that I’m doing the best I can. Motherhood is hard work. I’m also trying to do what I can to provide for my kids. I just hope I’m doing this right.

Balancing of the Babies


“O,” my eldest, has been testing my motherhood balancing skills. I’ve noticed over the past couple of weeks that he has been acting more “babyish” than usual. The few months prior to W being born, we had progressed with potty training, him being able to help dress himself, and ultimately him being a little more independent.

As of late, my husband and I have noticed:

  • He pretend falls and either pretends to cry or says “uh oh.”
  • Drops down to crawl places.
  • Wants our attention much more when we’re changing W’s diaper.
  • Often refuses his cup and wants a bottle.

Other times, he wants to be fully independent. He “reads” to himself, quietly plays with his toys, and is progressing with language skills.

It gets difficult to refrain from getting frazzled when O has his moments and W is feeding or I’m changing his diaper. I find myself just needing a brief moment to gather myself.

Balancing both my kids’ needs is definitely a struggle. I worry whether I’m giving either enough attention. Sometimes I think O got “robbed” of enjoying being the only child and grandchild.  Then I see how sweet he is towards his brother. I see his desperation to try and comfort W if he’s crying, he’ll try to pat him or kiss him.

I’m hoping this balancing act gets somewhat easier when W gets older. I keep telling myself that it’s difficult now but it’ll all be worth it in the end. I know I have to “look forward” to them causing mayhem together soon. Taking this one baby-toddler duo day at a time.

At A Standstill


This is how I feel life has been like now that there are two kids in the picture. Life is still moving, things have become a blur but we’re trying to laugh as much as we can.

This postpartum has been a little different from my first.  Not only do I have another kid that is running around but I feel that my priorities have changed yet again.  Now that I know the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression, I’ve been watching myself closely.  In the same sense I have been trying to make a point of enjoying each moment.

One change this time around, for me, was making a point of reaching out for help.  Mostly through forums, Instagram accounts by searching through hashtags, and working closely with my OB/GYN and Primary Care doctor.  Knowing that I am not alone and that there are other Mothers that are also trying to get that balance.  With my first pregnancy, postpartum I felt so alone.  I felt like I could not get anyone to understand.  When I finally met with my primary care doctor and she gently explained it, I felt so much relief.

Getting out of the house and going anywhere, even if it’s to get coffee, is a big accomplishment. Gone are the days where I had the need to put on make up and find an outfit.  If I can get my hair tied up and muster up the courage to haul the kids into the car is enough for me even if I’m wearing leopard pajama bottoms, a nursing tank, and a cardigan with spit-up stains.

This to me is real motherhood (at least with a newborn and toddler). Hours to get out of the house because while you’re getting ready one of your kids spilled milk on the sofa.  One of your kids is refusing to wear pants.  Your youngest wants to nurse so there is no way you’re making the party at the time you told your friends.  Motherhood is never at a standstill, there are so many moving parts.  Things are left undone, halfway done, and sometime forgotten.

At the end of the day, as much as I hate thinking about the things I didn’t get done, being able to cuddle with my littles makes me the happiest.  Steadily trying to conquer postpartum.

Never Too Close for Comfort

Baby wearing

Disclaimer: The thoughts below are my own.  I was not paid or offered anything in return for writing a review.

Just like with my first, I knew that I wanted to baby wear.  I was not happy with the K’Taan that I used with my first and child number 1 definitely did not enjoy it either.  I spent months researching slings and wraps and had settled for a wrap that I found through Instagram.  As much as I am happy with the Sollybaby wrap I purchased, I wanted something that I could throw on a little quicker.  I also wanted to have a backup to throw in my bag.  The experiences of forgetting the one and only wrap I had with my first child have forever haunted me (store runs without a wrap never turned out well!).

Like the Sollybaby wrap, I stumbled upon My Wild Bird through Instagram.  The My Wild Bird slings are much more affordable than other wraps that I had found.  What essentially drew me in to purchase one was the About section.   Taylor’s explanation was straightforward, honest, and just relatable.  I always find that I am the happiest with products that are in the small shop business.  You just know that there is a lot of hard work, time, and soul put into the product.

For me, especially after going through Postpartum depression with my first, being able to read words that I can relate to is a big thing.  I guess also just knowing that you’re either not alone or crazy in your motherhood research of baby wearing or breastfeeding is completely valid helps! It’s a strange feeling to know that this little human was growing in your belly for months and now you can hold them in your arms.  Being able to wear him is giving me as much comfort as it does for him.  The ability to chase after Child number 1 with ease also helps too!

One and Two

WI have had almost two months to settle in as being a mother of two.  They say that each pregnancy is different and each child is different.  Those statements could not be truer.  Child number two has a completely different demeanor.  Unlike his older brother, he can sleep forever regardless of the noise and commotion going on around him.  There is a sense of calm that he holds and a curiosity that is already filling him during the moments he is awake.  I’m both anxious and excited to see how he will grow up.

Post-pregnancy has been different too.  With my first I struggled with depression – during and after.  It was and is something that I’m still struggling with now.  This time around, I had a great group of doctors and midwives that guided me throughout this last pregnancy.  The terrible thing is most people, just like about depression in general, do not discuss postpartum depression.  Many chalk it up to just hormones.  I know my parents generation would not understand it.

The months following the birth of my first were horrible for me and at that time I didn’t know why.  I’m forever thankful that my son’s pediatrician continued to ask me questions at every well-baby visit.  Without him I would not have met the doctors I have now.

It was also something I kept quiet, only a few people knew about it. I think my husband had a hard time with it and just generalized it as me struggling leaving my son. That was only one of the many factors.

I often would be awake at night worrying about small things, crying to myself not understanding why. I was irritable, losing weight rapidly, everything that would normally give me comfort no longer did, and I did not want to be social. It was tiring hiding it from my family. Since my depression also included other factors outside the pregnancy/post-pregnancy, I didn’t feel comfortable opening up to my family. My body was hurting from the anxiety and stress because I was trying to deal with it on my own.

Even today I’m still trying to figure it out. I have my moments. Luckily my husband is slowly understanding it and I have my doctors to reach out to whenever I start to slip.

Ultimately I want to not only be the best mother I can be for my children, but the best person. I want to be healthy to keep up with them and live a long life to see them grow. Finding that balance as a mother, wife, and my own person is something I’m still figuring out.

How’s that for the first post after an almost 3 month hiatus?

Am I ready for child # 2?

My husband and I had touched on the subject of how soon we wanted to have another child after our first was born.  It seems like, once you get married, one of the first questions asked is, “When are you planning on having kids?”  Almost immediately after the first, we got asked, “So, baby number 2 now?”

While we were pregnant with our first child we briefly discussed it.  I knew that I wanted to just enjoy THAT moment, the first child.   For our family, we knew that if we could help it, we wanted our children close to age.

Fast forward to now, I can’t help but feel like we’re cheating our son out.   It’s hard not to think: “Did we take him out enough?” or “Are we cheating him out of being an only child?” and “Should we have waited a little longer?”

After the whirlwind of thoughts and self-doubts, it just clicked.

This is a blessing.  Not everyone is able to get pregnant.  Why. Am. I. Complaining?

So does this answer, am I ready for baby number 2?  The answer is no.  However, I wasn’t ready for our first child.  Although he has had a number of bumps and bruises, I think we have done fairly well as parents.  Ultimately, I don’t think any parent can be fully prepared for their first child or subsequent children.  This is where the doubts come to play and start running around in your head like a never-ending song.

I do feel like we can take what we have learned from our first child thus far and use it when our second child arrives.  This second pregnancy is already completely different from the first.  It’s only safe to say our next child may just have a different personality than our first.  I’m nervous still but excited to see what baby number 2 will bring to our family dynamic.