My transition to mamahood hasn’t been an easy or smooth one but it has given me so much in terms of personal growth. Mamahood has changed my life in many ways. It has especially made me unapologetic of myself – flaws, quirks, and all.
I was one of those awkward girls growing up. It seemed to be especially apparent during middle school and high school. I know a lot of people say this, but I really didn’t feel that I fit in. Thanks to genes I was skinny, very light skinned compared to my peers, and shy. Add being mixed race in a community where there were a handful of us – it made me feel self conscious. I didn’t look like anyone else and people made sure to point it out. When I would receive compliments, I would just have a blank stare or laugh it off. I never saw myself as beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, or anything closely related. Probably the hardest things for me was trying to navigate through life and accepting the person I was – quirks, strengths, looks, etc. Even writing this post has taken some time to be able to verbalize my thoughts. It’s been sitting in my drafts for almost a month.
Becoming a mother changed that for me. It was no longer about myself or worrying about how I looked. It was about this tiny and fragile human that was delicately handed to me. I see pieces of me in each of my children. The same pair of lips and skin on my first and the same large eyes and smile in my second. I see the silly sense of humor I have budding with my first. Then there is the determination I have that I’m beginning to see with my second.
I’ve had my ups and downs with accepting myself. The one thing that has been constant through out all of this is God’s presence. I would find myself feeling so low but managing to pull myself out of it once I poured my heart and thoughts to the Lord.
Proverbs 3:5-6New International Version (NIV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.[a]